The 90 Illini #77: Eddie Tuerk

I've been working on nicknames for Eddie Tuerk but I just haven't landed on one. I almost went with Tuerkmenistan – like, "good luck running up the gut on us because you'd be entering the republic of Tuerkmenistan" – but I don't think it's there.

I'll tell you why I want to do this. My wife and I are rewatching "The Good Place." If you've ever watched the first two seasons of The Good Place you know where this is going. In the "neighborhood" where the characters have gone to heaven there are a dozen frozen yogurt places. When the neighborhood goes through changes, the shops and restaurants all get fantastic names.

For example, in one episode, the neighborhood is filled with bakeries and donut shops. Some of the names:

Beignet And The Jets
Cruller Intentions
Knish From A Rose

My favorite was when Michael (Ted Danson's character) had the idea to fill the neighborhood with pudding/custard shops. These signs only existed in the background as easter eggs for the viewer – the characters never acknowledge them – but for that episode, the shops were named...

Custard's Last Flan
A Few Pudd Men
Panna Cotta Da Vida

And my personal favorite...

I Thought I Saw A Puddin' Vat

I cannot tell you what I would have paid to be in the room when the writers came up with I Thought I Saw A Puddin' Vat. Or to be in the prop room when the order comes through to build a sign like this:

I'm forever lost in this loop where I believe that I could come up with something like that (I can't). That I would belong in that writer's room (I wouldn't). And so I pretend like I could pull it off.

WAIT - if I were to call sophomore defensive lineman Alex Bray "Braycos" then I could say something like "just try to run inside on us because to get anywhere you have to travel through the island of Tuerks & Braycos."

I'm trying too hard, aren't I.